Here it is then. The penultimate month of my 20’s. 2 months this weekend I will be relinquishing the 2 at the start of my age and embracing the 3. Well, I say embracing, more like reluctantly accepting.
In all honesty, as the weeks pass by and the big 3 0 looms all the more, I have begun to get my head around it. I certainly feel better about my impending change of age than I did when I wrote my 3 Months To 30 post. There’s no escaping it is there? I just need to suck it up. I need to build a bridge and get over it.
Learning that I am able to still wear short skirts and swear whilst also watching questionable reality TV such as TOWIE and the like was a consolation indeed. Especially hearing that I can still slut drop. Well, when I say still slut drop, I mean I can still attempt it. My knees aren’t what they used to be, you see.
Hearing that hangovers do indeed get worse in your fourth decade was certainly unwelcome news. I may have to adopt the sober drink for every alcoholic one once I turn 30.
Something that has also helped with me coming to terms with reaching a whole new decade is having lots of lovely things planned for this year. I might as well say goodbye to my 20’s in style eh? I have lots of concerts and a festival to look forward to and I’m also celebrating my Birthday with my best friend. We’re having a joint 30th Birthday party as our Birthdays are mere weeks apart. Slut drops and miniskirts galore for that occasion I predict!
Anyhow, one thing I am rather nervous about once I turn 30, is a promise I have made to my family. It’s a pretty big promise, a resolution if you will.
I have conceded in the big ‘give up smoking debate’ that has become a weekly feature in both my household and amongst my family too.
I half-heartedly said I’d give up at 25. That came and went and I was still puffing away on my menthols.
Then I got pregnant and gave up the second I got 2 lines on the pregnancy test. That was never in doubt.
But then, I’m mildly ashamed to admit, I began smoking a month or so after becoming a Mum. I know, I know, it was one of my most foolish decisions and I’m not looking for any sympathy and I’m certainly not justifying it. However, I was going through a rather emotional and tumultuous time when I started lighting up again.
For the first few months of resuming my vile habit, I was just a social smoker. Barely smoking at all. But over the last year or so my daily cig count has definitely increased.
If I’m totally and utterly honest with myself, I don’t want to smoke anymore. Heck, I enjoy it, I really, really do but I don’t want to anymore. I don’t want to have this crutch in my life that not only costs a ridiculous amount of money (£6.85 for a packet of 18 mind!) but is also effectively shortening my life every time I put a cigarette to my lips.
I can’t justify my smoking habit to myself anymore. For many reasons. Finances and health are obviously huge contributing factors but above all, I don’t want to smoke anymore because of my son.
Although, I have never smoked in front of him and never would. Those hard-hitting adverts I often see on television are starting to have an effect on me.
I used to be able to ignore them, to reason with myself that I was young and I didn’t need to worry about the health implications that are involved with my habit. But now, I’m finding it hard to evade the facts.
I’m beginning to feel a little ashamed about my habit. Smoking is quickly becoming a very anti-social habit. Something that was once deemed glamorous (I know, weird innit?) is now abhorred by many.
I know I will find giving up smoking incredibly difficult to do. No matter my willpower. It’s a habit I’ve had (aside from when I was pregnant) for over half my life. But now feels the right time to put a cigarette out for good once and for all.
All habits are hard to break and I’ve spoken to many other fellow smokers about their experiences regarding quitting smoking and most seem to be in agreement that it is a difficult feat to say the least.
To help me quit smoking, I’ve decided to go down the ‘vaping’ route, having heard very positive things regarding the relatively new craze. As much as it pains me to say it, I don’t think I could simply go ‘cold turkey’ with the intention of beating this addiction once and for all.
Of course, I’m feeling both apprehensive and excited about my latest challenge. I’m excited to save money and to be classed as a non-smoker. I’ll be able to get life insurance now (don’t get any ideas mind Wes!). I’m hoping I’ll feel fitter and I won’t feel that pang of guilt I often feel when I pull out a fag and spark it up.
There’s elements of smoking I’ll miss of course. Enjoying my first fag of the day when I’m waiting for the bus to take me to work. Having a cigarette in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. Those 2 go hand in hand for me. But, I’m determined to do this. Not just for myself but for everyone who wants me to, too.
Wish me luck, heaven knows I’m going to need it.