Did I mention I’m off to Marbella in September? Yes, OK, I know I’ve dropped it into a fair few blog posts over recent months but hey I’m excited (just not bikini body ready but I still have time – just).
Not only have I made no secret of the fact I’m off to Southern Spain in 9 short weeks, I’ve also been pretty candid of my love of all things Reality TV. So, you can imagine my excitement when I saw a trailer for Playa in Marbella a while ago.
‘PIM’ is a new ITVBe show focussing on Elliott Wright (of TOWIE fame) as he sets up a new restaurant in, yep, you’ve guessed it Marbs. Kudos to the person who came up with the title of this programme. You’ve earnt your wage there for sure.
I didn’t quite know what to make of Elliott Wright during his TOWIE days. Some episodes I liked him, others I didn’t but I was determined to watch Playa in Marbella with something of an open mind. This is his show, he is at the helm as opposed to sharing the spotlight and air time with various other fame seekers.
First off us viewers are given a treat in the form of Elliott coming out of the pool looking like some sort of brunette Daniel Craig in one of those James Bond films (can’t remember which one). He tells us that his kids are his world, he’s got a stunning girlfriend and his Mum is the bollocks. Oh and he’s also a reasonably nice bloke. Cheers for that.
A brunette Daniel Craig perhaps?
This show seems to be filmed just like TOWIE (it’s a Lime production so there’s no real big surprises there), in walks Elliott’s stunning girlfriend, who with her, takes us into a bar filled with glamorous holidaymakers sipping champers and generally having a good old time. She meets her beloved who gives a cheeky wink to the camera. And yes, my toes curled with embarrassment throughout this opener.
PIM’s narrator sounds like he wouldn’t be out of place in a Guy Ritchie film, think Vinnie Jones and you’d probably be right. And there I was expecting the soothing tones of a Spanish Senor.
Elliott tells us they’ve had some bad reviews. *Heads over to TripAdvisor to take a look*. He’s put everything he has into this restaurant. Risky business indeed, especially when you’ve decided to let a TV company film it.
It’s time for a team meeting for Elliott and his staff. First on the agenda is point 1 ‘no shagging amongst staff’. Classy.
Curtis (The Kitchen Runner) had a heavy one last night. He was only meant to go out for one (we’ve all been there). Old El ain’t best pleased. Ever the professional El tells his staff “we’re gonna smash it, we’re gonna have a white ice party cus fuck it, we’re the new kids on the block”. Inspiring speech there El, I’ve gotta hand it to you mate.
Georgia the Marketing Manager is a likeable girl, she’s pitching her ideas to Elliott and he ain’t impressed. They’ve only sold 96 tickets to the opening party and he wants “double babe”.
Onto Sadie now, Elliott’s girlfriend. The narrator reliably informs us “The boy’s done good”. Sadie isn’t remotely jealous she tells the camera. She knows many women are going to fancy Elliott Wright, but ladies, he’s coming home with her! Lucky Sadie eh?
Off to Zara (the shop – one of my favourites) now, Sadie is shopping for the white party and I won’t lie, this Zara will definitely be on my visit list when I head to Marbella later in the year! Looks amazing.
Elliott doesn’t seem to share my opinion. He’s bored and wants to leave the shop now. Sadie has other ideas I’m afraid.
Back at the restaurant, we’ve got a problem. There’s a leak and Johnny the Sous Chef ain’t ‘appy, he wants a word with Eoin the General Manager like now and something tells me it’s about Curtis.
I’m right, Curtis has been helping himself to the food in the kitchen. It must be that hangover kicking in, he’s got the munchies! His food of choice has come in the form of a cheesecake (if I was gonna go for anything it’d be the cheesecake an’ all, bloody love a bit of cheesecake). Apparently if Elliott saw Curtis relieving the kitchen of a cheesecake he would take a knife and chop his hand off. I hope he’s joking. I didn’t sign up for that sort of show.
Forgetting all the trouble and strife at the restaurant, Sadie’s moaning about Elliott always being on the phone to ‘his second wife Georgia’ (ain’t wife – trouble and strife in cockney rhyming slang? Check me out with the lingo!). She wants her boyfriend’s undivided attention whilst she tries on dresses for the party whilst he has business to attend to. COME ON NOW SADIE, DON’T YOU KNOW THIS PROGRAMME IS ALL ABOUT THE RESTAURANT LOVE! But I agree with Elliott, I preferred the first one too.
Uncle Mike makes a visit to the restaurant now. He’s a family friend who considers himself to be Elliott’s eyes and ears. An informer if you will. He sometimes comes in the evenings and sometimes comes in the mornings. Quick as lightening, he’s on the phone to Elliott who has found the time to indulge in a personal training session on the beach. He’s found a catalogue of errors and Elliott’s curtailing his training session to sort the problems out. He wants new management. I think we all know where this might head a little later!
Time for Elliott and Sadie to head to the restaurant for a nights work now. And the narrator has made a very good point. Elliott has flouted his own rules of sleeping with the staff. I’m guessing it’s a case of do as I say and not as I do!
We have the contentious issue of a singer. Georgia likes her, Sadie doesn’t. Elliott has sided with Sadie so it looks like the resident singer is for the chop, first of many sackings I reckon!
Along comes Sadie in an Olivia’s Restaurant emblazoned Smart car and for a second I thought Joey Essex might jump out. Sadly (or not for some), it was just Sadie riding solo, she’s come to sort out the staff’s outfits. Or not as the case may be. She was given one job by Elliott and that was to sort out what the staff wear and she doesn’t know why she’s been so “lacksy daisy” about it (is that a thing?? Has she made that saying up? Can someone please let me know).
Meddling Mike’s back again ensuring everything is at it should be on the morning of the opening party whilst Elliott lies back and thinks of England; he’s on the receiving end of a massage “if it all goes wrong it’s Georgia’s fault, I’ve done everything I can do”. Nice. You enjoy that massage El, you’ve deserved it.
Just when you think nothing else can go wrong, Eoin has had an absolute Weston Super Mare with a load of tickets. Shit has well and truly hit the fan and gone all up the walls. Not literally of course.
Time for ‘dishwashergate’ now. Eoin thought he was using his initiative by ordering a smaller dishwasher because a bigger one wouldn’t arrive in time (should’ve used AO.com – next day delivery Eoin!). Elliott ain’t happy and he wants the camera to leave. Reality TV don’t quite work like that I’m afraid love!
Just when you think things can’t get any worse, Elliott’s shirt hasn’t been ironed. He paid for someone to do it and it’s not been done. Whilst dealing with the fall out of the un-ironed shirt, he’s decided that Eoin needs to go. Watching someone get sacked on TV ain’t the easiest, I won’t lie. Even if I have watched countless episodes of The Apprentice.
Opening night is well and truly underway, Georgia gets a bollocking because her hair do took longer than expected and the pole for the dancers hasn’t been assembled. At this point, Elliott looks like he might actually explode, that wouldn’t be a good look in the newly ironed white shirt.
He does, however, manage to crack a smile and mutter those immortal words “it’s sick” when the Brazilian dancers kick things off in style and talking of dancers, the pole dancer seems to have put a smile on Uncle Mike’s face an’ all.
I wasn’t surprised to see the return of Mummy Marbella – if you watched last year’s Life On Marbs (another ITVBE show), then you’ll know exactly who I mean. She wastes no time in asking Sadie if her breasts are real. Oh Lina, how I’ve missed you. Mummy Marbella gives Olivia’s Restaurant the seal of approval.
Elliott heralds the night a success “smashed it” he says over and over again. And while there were moments where I’d have said the disasters that seemed to bestow Olivia’s almost made Fawlty Towers look like The Ritz. I have to say things certainly came together at the end.
A sneak preview of next week’s episode showed us viewers that we’re sure to be in for some more drama and of course, despite me wondering what on earth I was watching at times, I know I’ll be back at 9pm on Wednesday watching Elliott et al striving to ensure Olivia’s is a success.
I just hope they’ve sorted out their dishwasher by then.
Our Elliott wasn’t a fan of Eoin and his teeny tiny dishwasher.