It’s only Wednesday and I’m already wishing this week away.
Nothing awful has happened. As week’s go, it’s been rather uneventful (makes a change for me). However, I can’t remember the last time I felt like this.
Irritable, low, frustrated, emotional and severely lacking in patience have been just some of the feelings I’ve been experiencing. Cantankerous is a word that probably sums me up best.
I’m attributing this (hopefully) to it being ** TMI ALERT ** my ‘time of the month’. It’s my first period since having the coil out in May and my first ‘official’ period in almost 10 months, so perhaps this is just a menstruation of epic proportions. I guess I’m due one.
Parenting has been particularly challenging this week. My son has decided to scream the highest pitched, most horrific noise whenever he’s told no and if I hear the words “no Mummy come” one more time I’m likely to find myself rocking in a corner somewhere.
It hurts hearing those words “no Mummy come”. Especially if he follows it up with a shove, trying to usher me out of his personal space. One minute we could be having a lovely time together, playing and having fun and then the next he’s decided I’m basically the devil incarnate and he wants me out of the vicinity.
I try and tell myself it’s just a phase, he’s only 2.5 and he doesn’t know what he’s saying, but this week his words are cutting deep. Especially when he treats Daddy like he’s his King.
I hate it when I’m feeling like this, life and all it brings feels like a chore. It reminds me of how I felt when I had depression a couple of years ago which brings a sense of anxiety to proceedings as I then find myself panicking that I’m heading for a setback. Of course, that’s more than likely me letting my irrational thought processes take over, but it’s still unsettling nonetheless.
It takes me back to when I used to find life an overwhelming challenge, when I used to snap at everyone and everything and find myself lost in my thoughts, alone in my own little world of negativity.
That diet I only wrote about a day or so ago has taken a bit of a knockback today. Of course, that means I berate myself for having the motivation of a dying sloth and then before I know it, I’m in a vicious cycle of bemoaning and self-loathing. It’s a slippery slope which then leads me to comfort eat. A bad habit for sure.
Let’s be honest though, starting a diet the week I have a period for the first time in months was never going to work really was it? Especially if one decides to make Rice Krispie cakes on day 3 of said diet (burnt the chocolate an’ all, cue more haranguing).
This post isn’t an invitation for you to come to my pity party. If there’s one thing I hate in life it’s self-pity (you’re finding this hard to believe now you’ve read this post aren’t you?!), however, knowing I have this blog as a space to rant and self-medicate is cathartic to say the least.
For now, I just have to weather the storm and ride this week out as best I can. Reminding myself that not every week is going to be like this and I’ll be back to my normal (whatever that is) self by next week.
Until then, all I can do is apologise to anyone who comes into contact with me and hope they don’t hold it against me! I promise I’m not a miserable troll all of the time (honest).
Me, this week. What a beauty!