Today, I’m led to believe, is Blue Monday. A day where everyone is supposed to be feeling a little melancholy, perhaps experiencing that New Year, post-Christmas come down (that is a thing people) or maybe feeling a little overwhelmed at the year that lies ahead (is it me or does January seem to be progressing at the speed of a snail?). Further investigation into Blue Monday (via Twitter; it’s the fountain of all knowledge don’t you know?) proved to me BM is little more than a marketing ploy used by many brands to promote whatever it is they’re selling. Cynical? Me? Well, yeah I am as it happens. Especially in this day and age.
However, I woke up this morning and blue was definitely the best way to describe my mood.
Pay day seems years away, in actual fact its next Wednesday for me, but that might as well be in 2020 the way I’m feeling towards my finances at the moment. Logging into my online bank account this morning was a task I don’t wish to do again anytime soon, starting a new week on minus figures is quite a sobering thought. As is the reminder that I owe Wes hundreds of pounds and I have a deadline of the end of the month to pay it. I’m really regretting flexing his credit card the week before Christmas.
My son’s whining and demands then added to the blue mood. He declares he wants his new cereal for breakfast. I, of course, deliver his wish, despite a niggling thought in the back of my head telling me he won’t eat it – call it mothers intuition perhaps. Three mouthfuls in he declares he no longer likes this cereal anymore, despite professing it’s his favourite only 3 days previous. I smile sweetly, ask what he’d like instead and head out to the kitchen to set about making some porridge.
“Muuummmmmmmyyyyy, I need a wee and I’m not going in the toilet alone because there’s something scary in there”.
Porridge has to wait a second. It’ll likely end up looking like wallpaper paste by the time it’s ready but fear not, I am exceptionally skilled when it comes to porridge reviving.
It transpires the thing he’s scared of is Sullivan, his Monsters Inc. bubble bath. It’s been on the shelf since July 2015 and he’s shown no fear towards it before, but of course today, Monday 16th January 2017 he’s now decided it’s basically the devil incarnate.
Apparently this one has become terrifying overnight.
Back to the porridge now and of course it resembles wallpaper paste that’s been languishing in a pot for 4 weeks. I revive it as only I can, hand it to him, full of hope and expectation.
“It’s hot, it’s too hot, can’t eat it”.
3 mouthfuls in and I hear the immortal words “Don’t want it now”.
LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH OR FIND ME A WALL I CAN BANG MY HEAD AGAINST REPEATEDLY.
I glance across at my laptop as Monday morning is my work from home day. It’s groaning at the sheer amount of e-mails that have filled up my inbox. My to-do list reads like a paragraph from War & Peace and in my left ear is my son saying on repeat “I don’t want to go to school today, I want to stay here and play”. He’s saying it so often it almost sounds rhythmic. If I close my eyes it sounds like Umbrella by Rihanna.
Thankfully Wes walks through the door, fresh from the gym (wish I had his willpower), just as it’s time to put my son through the shower. He can deal with this, as quite frankly if there’s one thing that brings an overwhelming feeling of dread it’s getting my son washed and dressed for school.
He’s still chanting the words “I don’t want to go to school” like he’s at a football match. He’s Wes’ problem now because it’s time to tackle this e-mail situation and I am literally one heartbeat away from sticking the duvet covers over my head and declaring today a write off. And it’s only 7:45am.
Anyway, I’m pleased to report my day has improved significantly. I used to be someone who would say to myself that if a day started badly, then that would set the tone for the day. I’d always focus on the negative and convince myself everything was out to piss me off.
Ain’t nobody got time for that attitude, it’s so negative, so depressing and not at all conducive to good wellbeing. Instead, I shut myself off in my bedroom, armed with a cup of tea brought to me by my little boy; “to make you happy Mummy” he said as he and his Dad tentatively entered the bedroom, for fear of what might greet them upon arrival and I tackled my work.
There is nothing I love more than ticking something off my to do list, it gives me a huge sense of achievement. Slowly but surely each task was completed and I felt proud that despite feeling overwhelmingly stressed, depleted of all resources and really not in a good place at all, I’d managed to achieve so much.
Instead of reminding myself how badly my day had started, I chose to focus on the positive things I had. My son went off to school happily in the end, telling me he loved me (what is it with their cuteness that makes any feeling of annoyance just disappear?), I had tackled everything that needed doing with work and hadn’t even muttered a swear word in the process. These things should be celebrated, the negative stuff forgotten. And I’d managed to do it, I’d managed to leave behind the feeling of angst and stress and just get on with my day regardless. This reminded me how far I have come with managing my mental health.
So, fuck Blue Monday and all it’s supposed to entail. Yeah my day started off a bit shitty, it brought with it its challenges but I’m still smiling and achieving.
Although, I’m off to pick my son up from pre-school shortly, and his mood post school can only be described as evil.
Wish me luck. I’m sure as hell going to need it.
Every time I see the words ‘Blue Monday’ I think of this song. It is an absolute tune though is it not?
This post is linked to #brillblogposts with Honest Mum.