I really enjoy taking it back to the original theme of my blog and compiling lists of 10 things. Lists make me feel like I’m being organised, when in actual fact, I’m the least organised person you’re ever likely to meet. It’s a miracle I make it through the day without a huge disaster occurring. Although, that’s not to say I don’t evade disaster on occasion.
Before I begin, allow me to explain a couple of things. Firstly, I’m not an insecure type of person. I’m quite confident, hopefully not in an arrogant way, but having weathered many a storm over the years, I guess this has encouraged me to build up quite a thick exterior. I know there are people around me who think I am too hard a person at times, too cynical, too unforgiving but that my friends, is called a defence mechanism. It serves a purpose and deep down I’m of the opinion we all have our own defence mechanism, which comes in different forms. Mine just happens to be a hard exterior. Knock that wall down though and I’m soft as shit. If I like you, that is.
The thing is, this list of traits, physical attributes and quirky little mannerisms aren’t always something I’d change. By and large they serve me well, however, sometimes I exasperate myself with certain behaviours and know I’ve been too harsh, silly and irresponsible.
So, without further ado, let’s totally annihilate my character. Just for the fun of it.
I’m open about my jealous side. Although I never used to be. My jealous streak has changed over the years. As a teen I’d be a jealous partner in a relationship, however, now I’m the total opposite.
These days my jealous side tends to rear its head with the following:
Envy is probably the best way to describe it. I hate how envious I sometimes feel towards someone who has got something I haven’t. And I wonder sometimes, how conducive to good wellbeing it is. Of course envy is natural, but let us not forget it’s also listed in the 7 Deadly Sins!
9. Patience. Or lack of.
Yeah I’ve got a serious lack of patience for a lot of things. A late bus will DRIVE ME MAD. I’ve never been the most patient of people, I get a bit twitchy if I’m waiting for something, the old right leg starts going, which drives he indoors mad. Perhaps, I need to start taking deep breaths or something.
9. My accent
I’d do anything to change my accent. I’m very aware of it. However, there are occasions, for comedy reasons I guess, where I’ll really ham it up. On a day to day basis though, I’d love to have a real neutral speaking voice. I never listen to my own voice played back; it’s like nails down a chalkboard for me. I’m afraid sounding like Vicky Pollard on helium isn’t the most attractive trait to have.
7. Possibly my cynicism
The reason I put possibly is because there are times I’m quite glad I’m cynical. I wasn’t always as cynical as I am now, but as I mentioned earlier, certain life events, people I’ve met, even things that happen in the world, have left me feeling a little too cynical at times. And while this often is a positive, it’s also left me being quite the pessimist at times. Something I’m keen to work on.
6. My fear of learning to drive
I’m nearly 31 and I can’t drive. My reliance on public transport, my Dad, friends, Wes etc. etc. is getting a bit embarrassing now. I just need to build a bridge and get the fuck over it.
5. My short eyelashes
I’ve never been blessed with lusciously long lashes. My son, however, has been blessed. See point 10.
Back in 2010 I felt like my prayers had been answered with an innovative beauty treatment; eyelash extensions. However, after 2 years it soon became apparent I had to give my weak, depleted lashes a break. Eyelash strips became my new best friend, a day wouldn’t go by where I wouldn’t be adorning them. Sadly, they’ve never really recovered from years of abuse, thus I now save my false eyelashes for special occasions.
4. Being easily distracted
My school reports always read as “would do well if she applied herself, gets easily distracted”. And that’s still the case 20 years on. I could be watching something on TV and I’ll be playing on my phone. I can’t even walk in a straight line without tripping over because I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing.
3. My nose
I haven’t included this one so you can go “ah, but your nose is fine”. I don’t want to hear it. I’ve spent 31 years with this nose, and I know it better than anyone. It’s not symmetrical, it’s too wide and too long. It also has a weird bump on it. If I could afford it (i.e. my credit card wasn’t maxed out) then a trip to the plastic surgeons wouldn’t be off limits. I don’t want anything dramatic, don’t worry, I wouldn’t go all MJ on you, but I’d just like it not to dominate my face quite so much. I’m not happy with my side profile. AT ALL.
The size of it mind.
2. My ability to spend money like it’s water
I have a serious problem when it comes to spending money. I just can’t help myself. If it’s in my account, purse, coat pocket, then it’s there to be spent. On any old crap.
My credit card took a serious bashing in 2016, mainly because all of my 30th birthday celebrations (it was the Duracell Bunny of Birthdays, it went on and on and on). It’ll take me until my mid-thirties to pay it all off. Still, you can’t put a price on memories can you? Although try convincing my other half of that.
1. How quickly I go off people
My friends would describe me as loyal (I hope), however, it doesn’t take much for me to change my opinion on someone. I could go from thinking the sun shines out of someone’s backside to basically thinking they’re the devil incarnate with just one conversation. I don’t forgive easily. And despite the fact I’ve been given more than a second chance on occasion, I’m not quite as good at reciprocating this. Again, this probably comes back to the defence mechanism I’ve relied upon in recent years. I don’t suffer fools gladly and I can spot fakery a mile off.
So, there you have it. A comprehensive list of my negative points. I certainly have a few things I need to work on.
Make me feel a little better about myself and enlighten me with the things you’d like to change about yourself perhaps? Even if you have to make something up.