People are strange creatures aren’t they.
We all have our weird and wonderful ways, me more than most. The way we talk, the way we act, the things we like and we dislike. The ways in which we eat.
I spent half of Dechox: Day 3 in a café, working remotely whilst my son was at pre-school nearby.
I love my little Friday morning routine. I drop him off to school, walk across the road to a recently opened café, take my usual spot and drink my way through the hot drinks menu. Usually I’ll mix things up by having a cup of tea or 3, with a mocha sandwiched between the teas.
Unfortunately, the Mocha was strictly prohibited today. Thus, I plumped for an orange juice instead. Gotta keep those Vitamin C levels up after all.
When I’m somewhere public, I often find myself people watching. Whilst I was outside a café, vaping for dear life during a meeting with my boss on Thursday, I had to stop myself from laughing out loud as a man grappled with a seagull who had taken more than a small interest in his lunch. It was like something out of a slapstick comedy. I love random moments like that.
There were no such moments of hilarity in the café on Friday. Just me watching intently as a young guy helped himself to a giant slab of chocolate cake.
Now, if that were me eating said cake, it would be over in two mouthfuls.
25 minutes it took this lad to eat his chocolate cake. Which likely had a chocolate fudge ganache and smooth, moist sponge. I’ve not thought about the cake much. Honest.
25 bastard minutes. WHAT ARE YOU DOING MAN? I could’ve given birth to an actual human in the time it’s taken you to chow down on that masterpiece. What are you waiting for? Me to come and steal it from under your nose and declare it as mine, because believe you me, I’m tempted.
Chocolate cake and slow eaters aside, day 3 was difficult. I felt lethargic at times, well, more lethargic than usual. I spent the afternoon down my Mum’s after I finished work. Playing Junior Monopoly with my son (he won) and Snakes & Ladders (he won), trying to do everything I could to distract my attentions from that box of Milk Tray that’s still crying out to be finished.
In the evening, I popped into Tescos on my way home. Usually ALL THE CHOCOLATE would find its way into my basket. Wispa bites, Revels, Caramel eggs, Minstrels, you name it, it’s going in my basket. This trip to the shop was different. Half fat milk, a box of variety pack cereal, a packet of Bagel’s and a bottle of water were my shopping items today. Carol fucking Borderman or what.
Talking of cereal. It isn’t until you pour cereal from a variety pack box do you realise just how small an amount 30g is. I’ve been doing it wrong for years. No wonder I go through a box of Rice Krispies in 4 days.
Day 3 finished off with me in bed with a stomach ache. I’m unsure whether I can attribute this to my chocolate abstention. My Mum is of the opinion my body doesn’t know what’s going on, considering I’ve stripped it of its main source of ‘nutrition’, I on the other hand am feeling more determined than ever. Yeah, this shit is tough. Yeah, I’m craving chocolate like I used to crave a Richmond Menthol after a large meal but I’m going to do this.
Even if I have to put up with arseholes like this.
If a crime were to be committed it’d be mitigating circumstances surely?