When I first started my blog back in June 2015 (yes, I know it feels like I’ve been harping on longer), it was to be a place for me to compile lists; covering a whole range of subjects.
As time progressed my blog became somewhere for me to write about anything and everything; with no restriction.
One of my most favourite list posts I wrote in the early days was entitled 10 Irritating Things/Gripes/Annoyances. Mainly because I felt so damn good after publishing it. Like all the negativity and rage left my body and I was now feeling calm.
I’ll be honest here, a lot annoys me. I don’t get the rage like I used to, however, I’m still someone who can get irritated with ease. When it comes to people, I’m quite intolerant, especially with my advancing age and when it comes to those little everyday things that annoy even the most patient of people, well, you can imagine how that goes; considering I’m quite open with my lack of patience.
The list below encompasses 10 new things that have irritated me since 2015. To be honest, I could do 20 but that’s not in keeping with the original theme of my blog.
Plus I can’t be arsed if truth be told.
10.Pop up ads
Fucking hell this seriously, SERIOUSLY gets on my (lack of) tits.
Various news sites are the worst for this. Bristol Post (my local online news outlet) I’m looking at you and don’t get me started on the Mail Online app. Yes I know I promised to delete it last month but I just like the TOWIE articles. Promise.
Mail Online have always had adverts, I get that it’s necessary so they are able to run their app (not that it’s to a high standard mind you), however, it’s literally like a game of Russian Roulette every time I go on the damn thing. You used to be able to scroll through a selection of approx 20 photos and only expect to get hit with 1 or 2 pop up ads. These days it’s after every couple of photos, if not every single photo. I always know when it’s about to happen, things slow down, I can’t scroll and before I know it up pops an ad for some wanky game I could purchase from App Store. FUCK OFF. I do not have the time nor the inclination to play “Smurfs Bubble Story”.
I can never find the X on the screen and sometimes there isn’t even an X there and I’m sat watching some daft advert for something I’ll never need or want when my only desire is to look at photos of Lauren Goodger hiding under a 15 tog.
You alright under there bab?
9. Automated commenters on Instagram
“Come check out our page, I guarantee you’ll love it” I won’t. I guarantee I fucking wont.
“Nice photo” Is it? You haven’t actually looked at the photo of some bloke’s bin I’ve just stuck on Insta have you?
“Want more followers?” No, I want you to fuck off and leave me alone.
8. Unicorn obsession
I know this is going to be a contentious one because SO many people love this Unicorn trend at the moment. But hear (or read) me out before you call me a miserable bitch.
Can someone, sound of mind, please explain to me what it is about hundreds and thousands on a cake that constitutes a Unicorn?
Is there a horn on said cake? No
Is it shaped like a horse? No
Does it have Unicorn like features? No
There you go then, not a fucking Unicorn cake is it?
I can barely turn This Morning on of a Wednesday without some Master Baker unctuously displaying her Unicorn masterpiece and promising everyone at home “the kids will love it because of the Unicorn theme”.
I am not lying to my son about it resembling a Unicorn because it doesn’t and besides; Unicorns don’t exist so stick that in your cake hole and munch on it.
NOT a Unicorn.
7. Set up pap shots
They’re getting worse. I swear they are actually getting worse.
We’ve had pap shots for years. Back in the day when Jodie Marsh decided to rate her lovers out of 10 on the back of a racer back vest top, she would have let the paps know beforehand as she made her way to Chinawhites. I guess it was semi interesting, until I thought Dane was Dane Bowers and it actually turned out to be some bloke from a pop group no one had ever heard of.
Spare a thought for Fran
Anyway, these days we’re “treated” to minor celebs (Z listers wouldn’t even want to be associated with some of these non-entities) inviting the paps to come and snap, snap, snap away at them getting a spot of lipo on their thighs.
Enter Lisa Appleton from Big Brother 2008. Yes, you read that right, the paps are actually still interested in someone who was on Big Brother NINE FUCKING YEARS AGO.
I ummed and ahhed about sharing this visual aid. But I feel that seeing is believing.
6. When someone can’t see that another is an arsehole
I’m a good judge of character. Sometimes I might ignore what my instincts are telling me, to my own detriment of course, but 9/10 my first instincts are usually right. Within a couple of
days weeks, I can tell whether I like someone or not. Whether they’re a snake or not. Whether they’re being themselves or playing the game.
What annoys me though, is when you know what someone is playing at. You can see, so blatantly what they’re like, but everyone else around you thinks the sun shines out of their proverbial. You’re then in the unenviable position of either calling the bullshit out and looking like the bad guy or going against your beliefs and compromising your integrity. It’s a no win situation.
People don’t use the brains they’re born with, I swear.
5. Eat clean hashtag
The only time I want to EVER see a photo of your food is when you’ve either ordered a dessert that when you cut into the sponge; chocolate oozes out or you’ve ordered yourself a cheeky little Dominos and want to show the world your dirty, filthy pizza.
More of this please
I do not want to see bits of cucumber with hummus on it #behealthy #healthybody #healthymind or some dried up, rancid bit of chicken with some VERY al dente carrots #cookeditmyself #joewickswouldbeproud
Fuck off. I bet Joe Wicks couldn’t give one; Lizzie.
4. Celebs releasing statements via Notes app
This is a recent phenomenon. And part of me understands why the Z Listers turn to their iPhone Notes app during times of drama and distress. The only thing I cannot and will not get on-board with is how poorly written they are.
I get it, you’re annoyed, you’ve just found out your boyfriend was bonking some bird in the room next door whilst you were on holiday but please, for my sake, just read it back before you screenshot it and upload it to Snapchat/Instagram/Facebook/Twitter.
Knowing your shit is the difference between knowing you’re shit.
This wasn’t the last message by the way. There’s been about 6 million since.
3. Women being blamed for an affair
To be honest, this is one that has annoyed me for a number of years. I see what goes on, I see that it’s always easy to blame the woman for someone’s bloke straying instead of actually realising the person who betrayed your trust and was disloyal to you was the actual person you’re in a relationship with.
“She’s a slag”. Is she? Or are you just scrambling for insults to make yourself feel better that your bloke couldn’t keep his trousers on?
“It’s her fault. Not his”. Yeah because she made him take part in this mutual affair didn’t she? Kicking and screaming he was.
I’ve seen it time and time again. I’ve even, many years ago, been on the receiving end of something similar myself. Me the single one, him the not so single one. Guess who got the blame though? Yep, yours truly.
Bollocks to it. Big, fat, hairy bollocks to it.
2. Trolling vs debating
Avid (for want of a better word) readers of mine may know I have had more than my fair share of trolling over the last few months. I’ve received death threats, impersonation, you name it, I’ve pretty much experienced it online.
I’ve also been accused of being a troll.
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. A VERY, VERY LARGE DIFFERENCE between the act of trolling and having an opinion.
To me, trolling is personally attacking someone for no good reason.
“I’m going to get the train to Bristol and stab you in your fucking sleep you dickhead”
“You need to fucking drop dead”
“I disagree with you on this because…..”
“You’re chatting out your arse”
THAT IS HAVING AN OPINION. Something we’re all able to express and should be able to do so without fear of being referred to as a troll.
It really annoys me. If you couldn’t tell.
1. Virgin Media letters
One day I’d just like to be able to open my post box (yeah we have a post box, we inherited it from the previous owners, it has its pros and cons) and not be greeted by the sight of an A4 envelope addressed to either myself personally or the one that always gives the game away “The Householder”.
I get they need to advertise. I get they want prospective customers to know about their amazing
shit deals but Jesus tonight Barry, I do not need it rammed down my throat every sodding day of the week.
If anything, it’s actually making me not want to leave the oh so expensive Sky (at least Dick Turpin wore a mask) and deflect to Virgin. I think I’d sooner shove a boiling hot poker down my throat than sign up to Virgin. Because, when you think about it, if I’m receiving the amount of literature I do when I’m not their customer, then imagine the abundance of toilet paper I’d receive from them once they had my money.
Ain’t nobody got time for that.
You’re doing my HEAD IN, that’s how you’re doing.
Cor, I feel better already.