I’m not really one to buy into horoscopes.
I used to read them religiously back in the day, but soon realised they were far too broad to actually hold any meaning. Plus Mystic Meg never once predicted the winning lottery numbers for me.
I’ve been known to frequent a tarot reader or a psychic on occasion, however. With varied success. One told me I was going to marry a ginger policeman. This was 8 years ago and I haven’t even met a ginger policeman, let alone married one. Maybe when she took a look at my tarot cards/palm she was having an off day. It was quite hot. And my hands were quite sweaty.
Anyway, going back to that aforementioned list of adjectives. I’ve not just plucked a few random words out of the sky, although I’m sure to the cynical reader, I might as well have done.
That list is a list of typical personality traits for a Taurean. Which happens to be my star sign.
On the whole, I have to agree with the majority of them. I am pretty self-reliant; apart from when it comes to money and being driven around because I can’t/don’t drive myself.
I always try to be honest. I’m definitely impatient. I like to be reliable and I consider myself a realist. I’m definitely stubborn; to a fault and indulgence is a problem with me. Especially when it comes to chocolate, alcohol and clothes. But if there’s one trait I can identify with more than any of the others then it’s jealousy.
I am a jealous bitch.
There, I said it.
The green eyed monster pays a visit to me on the regular. Daily in fact.
You name it, I’m jealous of it. If someone has a better house than me then I’m jealous. If someone has a better outfit than me then I’m jealous. And if someone has a bangin’ bod then I’ve turned a lurid green colour as a result.
And it is RIDICULOUS.
I’ve written before about how I’m on the periphery of bitterness at times and I really need to reign this in. It’s not good for the soul and it only paves the way for negativity. Really overwhelming negativity.
I’m competitive. I want to be the best, look the best and have the best. The problem is, and this is a typical Taurean trait too; I’m lazy. SO FUCKING BONE IDLE!
It doesn’t take me much to lose motivation. I often find myself falling into bad habits and sometimes the monotony of routine causes me to lose focus.
This takes me on a negative thought process:
I can’t be arsed to do any exercise today.
It’s pointless anyway, you’ll never tone up and get back into that pair of shorts again.
Oh look at her on Instagram with her washboard stomach and her must-have-done-1000-squats-per- day-to-get-that-kind-of-arse.
You’ll never look like that.
And BAM. There we go; jealousy. The green eyed monster has reared his naughty head once again. Nice to see you, to see you not.
There I am, feeling a horrible jealous type feeling which just makes me hate myself all the more.
I have high expectations for myself. I want to achieve great things. I want to prove to others and to myself that I can have it all. My dreams can be realised. I can get back the body I had when I was 26 and I can be really happy with it too.
But what’s the point in feeling jealous? Where is that going to get me? Apart from being bitter. And, lest we forget, envy is one of the 7 deadly sins (if you believe in all that crap).
What I need is someone with size 12 feet to give me a bloody good kick up the arse and a stern talking to.
Form an orderly queue ladies and gents. Just don’t kick me too hard.