2018 for me, is all about making small changes.
You might already know about my ‘monthly abstention’ challenge (I really need a better name for it don’t I? Hit me with your catchy suggestions). This is where I abstain from something for the duration of a whole month. We’ve had alcohol, full fat milk, biscuits and crisps. It’s not been too difficult. Yes, there’s been moments I’ve been tempted by the biscuit barrel or gone to pour blue milk on my Weetabix as opposed to green. But I’ve managed to suppress the temptation and I’m feeling quite proud of myself.
There’s something else I’m feeling quite proud of too.
I didn’t want to be premature with shouting about my success. So, I’ve waited until I’m confident this is it. I’m cured of all addiction. There’s no chance of a relapse.
I have now managed to give up…………….Nicotine.
Yep, that’s right. I’ve been Nicotine free for over a month!
Back in October 2016 I quit the evil fags. Something I never thought I’d do. The only time I’ve ever managed to not smoke is when I was pregnant back in 2013. Mere weeks after giving birth I was back on the cigs, much to my family’s disappointment.
October 2016 felt different though. With the popularity of Vaping at an all time high, it felt the right time to jump aboard the bandwagon and see where it took me.
Well, thanks to the bandwagon, I’ve found myself a non-smoker. I’m now 18 months fag free. I’d love to tell you I’ve saved a shit load of money and haven’t had a cold or virus since then but that would be a big fat lie. Because all my money has gone on food or Vape juice and I’ve had about 5 colds in the last 6 months.
BUT. And this is a big but, I’m still proud of myself. I’m proud of my willpower and I’m proud to declare I’m a non-smoker. That old adage about ex-smokers being the most judgemental when it comes to smoking is definitely right. I can feel myself internally judging people when I see smokers out and about. I have to physically stop myself from pulling a face. I just can’t understand why someone would want to smoke. Which is ridiculous because 2 years ago I’d have likely said the opposite. I wouldn’t have understood how someone was unable to give up smoking.
So, moving from the fags to the Vape worked for me. Like it has worked for thousands and thousands of people. However, I was obviously still addicted to the nicotine. Or at least I thought I was. Until the day came when I couldn’t get the Vape juice I normally procure.
I thought about throwing a monumental tantrum. I even thought about just buying a different brand (you know, the easiest solution). But then I had another thought. And by God I’m glad I had that thought.
“Why don’t you try a nicotine free version?” In came the thought. And before I knew it, the thought was an actual conversation and I’d handed over my 10 English pounds for 3 bottles and was on my merry way.
I was sceptical. Of course I was. But what did I have to lose?
Nothing. Absolutely bugger all.
I’m now over a month into the Nicotine free life and it’s fine. Nothing changed. I didn’t grow 5 heads because I was no longer getting my fix of Nicotine. Yes, I’m still as moody and Gobshitey as I always have been – with or without nicotine, but I’m no longer addicted to something that has had such an incredible hold over me for half of my life.
I’ve managed, also, to cut down on how often I use my Vape. When I’m in the office, I’ll only head out once for a quick puff. I know the time will come when I’ll have to beat that addiction too but I’m in no rush. I’ve smashed the two big addictions and I’m sure I can manage to kick the Vape addiction one day.
As well as giving Nicotine the middle finger, I’ve also given Facebook the big ‘fuck off’. And boy does it feel good.
But more on that later. Twitter needs me. And so does my Vape.