Oh hello June.
As if we’re nearly half way through 2018, already? As if we’ll be talking about Christmas and seeing all the festive paraphernalia in the shops in a few short weeks (bloody weird bunch us Brits ain’t we?)
I hope 2018 has been treating you well thus far.
Me? Well, it’s brought its challenges. That’s for sure. In more ways than one.
Yes, there’s those self-imposed challenges I’ve been doing since the new year, the ones I’ve bored you about for 6 painful months (more on that later) and then there’s been the other challenges. Like the time I found myself 5 pints deep (and the rest) trying to get an early flight (like 2 days early) back from Amsterdam because my son was ill.
To be honest, every day can be a challenge when you’re me. But that’s mainly because I’m such a bloody nightmare who attracts drama like Tom Hardy attracts lust filled women.
Why can’t I attract Tom Hardy instead of drama and stress?
One of life’s eternal mysteries that.
Along with people who keep their ketchup in the cupboard (read the label, guys) and why you get those individuals who act surprised when you start treating them the way they’ve treated you for x amount of time. Don’t like it when the roles are reversed do you? No. So, stick that in your pipe and choke on it. I mean smoke it.
ANYWAY. I DIGRESS.
For a change.
What did you give up in May? I (don’t) hear you cry! How did you get on? You aren’t asking.
Pastries, my friends.
These bastards illustrated below.
Fuck, I’ve missed you.
May is my Birthday month. I turned
25 32. I know, I know I look 21. It’s amazing what years of smoking, drinking and frowning can do to a girl’s complexion isn’t it?
Anyhow, with May being my Birthday month, many people (like, 2) said why don’t you not abstain from anything that month? Who wants to be bothering with all that when they’re celbrating their Birthday (it usually is a month long Birthday celebration mind). I thought about it. I debated it. And then I thought ‘nah’. Where’s the fun in that? The problem is with me, if I stop doing something for a while, you know, abstain from the abstention, then I won’t go back to it.
So yeah, pastries. How did it go?
Harder than I thought it would be. I mean, you try sitting in a Pret a Manger on a Sunday morning, the smell of freshly baked croissants filling your asymmetrical nostrils (they really are uneven) and having to make do with some paltry almond butter cookie whilst your companions chow down on pastries galore.
My Saturday morning Cinnamon Roll was replaced with sweet fuck all.
YOU MUST HAVE LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT THOUGH?
I can’t argue with your logic. Really, I can’t. However, this month I’ve drank enough beer to keep all imports afloat for the next 2 years and I’ve rediscovered my love of Krave cereal.
Hello there, old friend.
This leads me quite nicely on to my next admission.
To include; Weetabix (yeah I can get addicted to Weetabix), Bran Flakes (I’m weird) and Cornflakes (you try and tell me one of life’s pleasures isn’t a bowl of Kellogg’s finest with ice cold milk).
It doesn’t include Porridge. Meh.
I eat a lot of cereal. I have been known to quaff four bowls in one day once. It’s another one of my many, many downfalls. Thus, I’m expecting June to prove a difficult month to get through.
As well as the aforementioned, I also woke up to a to-do list I’d written just before I nodded off last night.
It reads as follows:
- 1 blog post (yer tiz)
- Work task (not done)
- Work meeting (done)
- Walk 10,000 plus steps (managed an average of 9,000 per day in the month of May, there was an actual day I walked 20,000 steps. I know, go me!)
- 100 squats
- 100 sit ups.
I MAKE MYSELF FUCKING LAUGH.