Well, this feels a bit weird.
I think this is the longest I’ve gone without writing since I first set up my blog way back in 2015. I even had to reset my password.
Why has it been so long? I don’t hear you cry.
I’m lazy. And sometimes I just don’t see the point.
The desire to write isn’t always there anymore. Back in 2015 and 2016 it was there daily. Sometimes twice. Maybe even thrice But these days that passion has all but disappeared.
I want to leave the deep and meaningful stuff behind me and focus on the funny stuff. But if I want to be funny (or at least think I’m funny) then I’ll head over to Twitter. If I want to share my opinion on something (me? Share an opinion? Never!) then Twitter it is once again. In fact, if you’re ever unsure of where I might be then your first port of call should always be Twitter. The only time I’m not there is when I’m sleeping and when I’m working (honest, boss!)
Anyway, what I want to write about today is something that is actually quite deep and a little bit meaningful. Well, I’ll let you decide on the meaningful bit, shall I?
I ran a poll on Twitter yesterday.
I bloody love a good poll. I just wish they weren’t shrouded in secrecy because I think people would put more thought into their answers if they had to be eponymous.
I try to run a poll at least twice per week. They’re a bit of fun but often end up causing the most ridiculous of wars. Like the time in April 2017 when I asked Twitter whether they put the milk in first or last when making a cup of tea and it kicked the fuck off. 20,000 people voted in that poll and you saw the best and the worst of the Internet that day.
Then there was the red sauce/brown sauce on your bacon sandwich poll. People get really passionate about their sauces- couldn’t be like it myself. But just know if you keep your ketchup in the cupboard then I’d deffo slag you off behind your back if we were friends (ran a poll on that an’ all didn’t I).
The question I put to Twitter yesterday was this one.
Why ‘muff’? I just think it’s a word that is thoroughly under utilised these days and I’ve decided to make a concerted effort to use it more often.
So just over 1000 people voted in that poll and I have to say I’m absolutely not surprised by the results. I’m going to wager that had I not included ‘muff’ the majority of that 35% would’ve voted ‘no’. Just call it a hunch.
What would I have voted? Probably ‘muff’ but in the absence of ‘muff’ then I would’ve given ‘No’ a tick.
I admire that 6% you know. I cast a suspicious eye over them but if they really are fulfilled with all that life brings then bloody well good for them.
The thing is with life and Bridget Jones declared this herself “It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces.” It’s just that with me all parts of my life often resemble a car crash.
You know what it is with the lack of fulfilment? I attribute it to good old social media.
Scroll and compare. Scroll and compare.
Oh is that Tiffany on her 9th (not paid for) holiday of the year I see there? And she’s definitely been gifted that holiday wardrobe she’s tagging brands in hasn’t she? Cor I bet she’s fulfilled.
Oh look at that MASSIVE rock Our Tiff’s husband’s treated her to again. He’s so fucking fit. I bet she’s fulfilled.
Tiff looks like she’s such a great Mum with the most well behaved, well balanced, intelligent kids. You can tell she’s got this Motherhood lark licked.
Oh and Tiff’s been to the hairdresser that all the celebs go to, her hair is so shiny you could see your pathetic reflection in those tresses. I bet brushing her hair brings so much fulfilment.
Of course, what you don’t see is that Tiff’s husband’s been doing his PA over his desk for weeks, the kids are little shits off screen and her hair is as fake as her laugh. But she doesn’t want you to know all that.
I commented on my poll I’m of the opinion that 15 years ago the results would’ve been different. Not vastly different perhaps, I mean ‘muff’ probably would’ve prevailed. However, I think more than 6% would’ve voted ‘yes’.
Aside from the news; which in the main was offline so not as easily accessible, we were in a state of ‘ignorance is bliss’. We didn’t know what Tiffany was up to unless we sent a text (provided we had enough credit) or rang her up on the house phone (provided no one was using the dial-up at the time). People’s “amazing lives” weren’t rammed down our throats 24/7.
Selfies? We didn’t take selfies. Heck, we had to wait a week to get our holiday photos back from Boots and they were always SHITE.
I’m a hypocrite though because I love social media. And the problem with me is, and this extends to the fulfilment thing hugely, I am in constant need of a buzz. I always need a fix of something. I gave up smoking and went on to the Vape. I gave up Facebook and became all the more obsessed with Twitter. One addiction will always be replaced with another. And perhaps this goes some way to explain why I don’t feel fulfilled in any aspect of my life whatsoever.
I don’t know what I want from life. I don’t even think I’d want Tiffany’s life.
So what do I want?
I want to stop beating myself up about every fuck up. I want to stop berating myself for not having the perfect body or the perfect hair (fucking horrendous it is at the moment – but more on that another time).
But above all I just want to feel like I’m not constantly treading water. Because the problem is; I can’t swim.